A note for vulnerability.
I wanted to escape from these things. I wanted to go where no person recognizes me. I wanted to walk off the Earth. I want to go where there are no humans. I just want to be alone. Maybe for a day. Maybe to two days. Maybe for a week. Maybe for a month. Sometimes I feel like I wanted to be alone forever. I don’t understand why I have to deal with this kind of state. I have my family, I have my friends, but why do I still feel like I am doing these things alone? I always tattoo in my mind that I am good at these things so as I wouldn’t be in despair but I cannot.
Months ago, I have encountered a good distraction. To empty my mind with these unsolicited thoughts, these dark images that is inside my mind. I go out every night drinking and smoking just so I could kill these loneliness. It was great since I have discovered I could escape the misery for maybe four hours. But then, everything will go back the way it used to be the next day. I struggle to live a normal life. I work just so I could have something to pull out from my pocket. I work just so I could not lay on my bed all day thinking about how to live my life.
I am letting you see my soul.
I have decided to go travel alone for a day.
I want to be alone.
I decided to go to Cebu City at the end of the month thinking I could make it as a reset. Yes, I need to have a reset.