We all have them in our lives. I don’t know how people handled them well or how they managed to forget about it and accept them in any ways they can. You know people cannot figure out a sentence unless the person reading it knows you truly. I only thought about it when I posted a sentence in Facebook that says “wait until you hear the sound of the regretful polar bear.” I know nobody would even know what that means especially now that I only have 10 friends on Facebook.
That one liner for me, after my social media abstinence was everything about how I regret the things that came up until this point. Like how I regretted not being there always for Jakiel’s contentment. Buying him his most wished toy and making him expect for nothing. Like when the time I bit my father’s shoulder for not showing during Christmas when I was still so young because I’ve over heard my grandmother saying he was an ass hole. Like when I joined my sister to move out from our house because she was pissed off by my mother.
Like how I skipped classes because my cousin said watching Anaconda would be a great idea. Like dropping out from the electrical engineering classes because I thought I don’t have the perseverance to study. Like how I spent my tuition fee only to play Ragnarok on-line with friends up until daylight. How I was not able to give my beloved aunt roses when she was alive not that I only gave her in front of her grave. How I made my grandmother cry in front of me at school and until this time I still could remember how her tears fell off from her eyes because I ditched home and spent the whole night at school with friends.
Like how I stole my grandfather’s coins just so I could buy junk foods.
Like how I hit hard my brother.
Like how I made my sister feel bad about herself.
Like I was not able to achieve a gold medal in Taekwondo and quit eventually.
How I ended up being a bloke and consider myself a bastard.
Missing out my best friends party on Christmas.
Not being there always for the person I care about.
How could anyone ever missed having them? How would you recover from these things easily to feel not bad about yourself. Come to think of it. Have you ever heard the sound of a regretful polar bear?
Polar bears carries all their regrets until the day they die. They also have things which makes them in despair. And I guess the only way out from it is through sound. That PURE sound of regret.
Those things are absolutely in the past and somehow must be forgotten but that’s my problem. I probably wouldn’t be able to move forward with my life because I’m still living in my past and I’m so afraid of taking chances in the future because all I think about are regrets coming my way. I can’t move a piece of a chess set nor even start to put things in places because I’m too scared to begin with. I just hope that I could win this so I wouldn’t be in despair.
Listen to the sound of the regretful polar bear.